Solitude - I still remember hearing this word for the first time in my life. I was in fifth standard and my English teacher was reading out a story which had this word in it. She explained the difference between loneliness and solitude - she said loneliness is a negative feeling of being alone whereas solitude was a positive feeling about being alone. That smaller version of me did not know that this word would occupy a center stage of my later life.
It has been two years now since I moved to the village and more than a year since we started to stay on the farm itself. Initially, the silence, the 'being alone', the wind, the birds mesmerized me. I was enthralled by the quiet, country life. Until the bug of loneliness bit me!!
I am not ashamed to put this out that I have gone through a very tough phase the last few months when being alone would cringe my body and mind. I had no one around to talk to except my husband because the village ladies and I find very less common topics to discuss - our talks are limited to what did I cook for breakfast, if we had tea or coffee and why I still do not have kids. Initially, I tried making some friends in the village but was completely discouraged when only these topics came up for discussion. I tried to chitchat with my father-in-law and mother-in-law but the topics too were a problem there. I still have not figured out why the men folk of the village do not talk to me. It is rather a practice that the men speak only to the men and women to the women folk. So the men folk would just put their head down and walk away if I came across their path.
I tried immersing myself into books, but after a while even reading tend to bore me out. Gradually, I became an addict of Amazon Prime and Netflix. I would complete series in a day or two. My body started to bear the brunt - I would wake up with a headache due to late night binge watching, my eyes started to dry out and I started to put on weight. A week or two into this binge watching, I started to lose interest in going to work, I would just lie on the bed whole day and watch some series on Prime.
A month like this and my mind could not take it anymore. It started to revolt - I started to cry out and would throw tantrums every now and then with my husband. Slowly the realisation creeped in that I need to pull up my socks and get my life back in rein. Thanks to a friend who gives me sound advice at the right moment, she asked to own up to myself and stop rolling around in the pity of loneliness.
I have started to visit our village government school and doing a weekly story reading sessions there. I am finding few other things to keep me occupied and let me tell you, it is making me return to my usual self.
SO, with this whole experience of being lonely, I have now reached the phase where the solitude is something I enjoy, I experience and I relish it!
This blog was not a mere ranting out of feelings but an expression that rural farm life is not all bliss all the time. It has its own ups and downs that we need to fight alone at times.
I have come across few people during my city life who were folks staying in their farms. When they used to visit us, they would talk non-stop and at times we found their talk irrelevant and meaningless. My family and I would try to discuss and understand why do they speak the way they do but we would end up with no answers. Now, today, I have the answer - when we are alone for a long stretch and suddenly put into the company of humans, your mind goes on a roller coaster fun ride. You have no clue of what to speak and where to stop. I have this experience now and totally understand these mannerisms. Only through meditation and a lot of observing my own thoughts am I now able to control my mind.
Festivals and functions are something everyone keep looking forward to and this has been a matter I questioned all through my childhood as I detested these events. I now understand why functions, festivals are such an event of celebration in the villages. This is the time there are people all around and it a matter of being joyous all the time with humans around. For a kid who grew up detesting functions and festivals, I have turned into an adult who now looks forward to these events as this means I get to interact with other humans who might share some common topics of interest!
So this has been my journey from loneliness to solitude and I hope each of you enjoy your own solitude every now and then!
It has been two years now since I moved to the village and more than a year since we started to stay on the farm itself. Initially, the silence, the 'being alone', the wind, the birds mesmerized me. I was enthralled by the quiet, country life. Until the bug of loneliness bit me!!
I am not ashamed to put this out that I have gone through a very tough phase the last few months when being alone would cringe my body and mind. I had no one around to talk to except my husband because the village ladies and I find very less common topics to discuss - our talks are limited to what did I cook for breakfast, if we had tea or coffee and why I still do not have kids. Initially, I tried making some friends in the village but was completely discouraged when only these topics came up for discussion. I tried to chitchat with my father-in-law and mother-in-law but the topics too were a problem there. I still have not figured out why the men folk of the village do not talk to me. It is rather a practice that the men speak only to the men and women to the women folk. So the men folk would just put their head down and walk away if I came across their path.
I tried immersing myself into books, but after a while even reading tend to bore me out. Gradually, I became an addict of Amazon Prime and Netflix. I would complete series in a day or two. My body started to bear the brunt - I would wake up with a headache due to late night binge watching, my eyes started to dry out and I started to put on weight. A week or two into this binge watching, I started to lose interest in going to work, I would just lie on the bed whole day and watch some series on Prime.
A month like this and my mind could not take it anymore. It started to revolt - I started to cry out and would throw tantrums every now and then with my husband. Slowly the realisation creeped in that I need to pull up my socks and get my life back in rein. Thanks to a friend who gives me sound advice at the right moment, she asked to own up to myself and stop rolling around in the pity of loneliness.
I have started to visit our village government school and doing a weekly story reading sessions there. I am finding few other things to keep me occupied and let me tell you, it is making me return to my usual self.
SO, with this whole experience of being lonely, I have now reached the phase where the solitude is something I enjoy, I experience and I relish it!
This blog was not a mere ranting out of feelings but an expression that rural farm life is not all bliss all the time. It has its own ups and downs that we need to fight alone at times.
I have come across few people during my city life who were folks staying in their farms. When they used to visit us, they would talk non-stop and at times we found their talk irrelevant and meaningless. My family and I would try to discuss and understand why do they speak the way they do but we would end up with no answers. Now, today, I have the answer - when we are alone for a long stretch and suddenly put into the company of humans, your mind goes on a roller coaster fun ride. You have no clue of what to speak and where to stop. I have this experience now and totally understand these mannerisms. Only through meditation and a lot of observing my own thoughts am I now able to control my mind.
Festivals and functions are something everyone keep looking forward to and this has been a matter I questioned all through my childhood as I detested these events. I now understand why functions, festivals are such an event of celebration in the villages. This is the time there are people all around and it a matter of being joyous all the time with humans around. For a kid who grew up detesting functions and festivals, I have turned into an adult who now looks forward to these events as this means I get to interact with other humans who might share some common topics of interest!
So this has been my journey from loneliness to solitude and I hope each of you enjoy your own solitude every now and then!
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